The one thing all women are guaranteed is suffering.

You are not guaranteed love, financial success, to look a certain way, to have a certain metabolism, to be funny, to be smart, your health, your happiness, children, family, friends, or community…

But suffering? From the day you are born, this is guaranteed. Some of us suffer more, some less, but none of us escape it. It is etched into your future the moment you come into this world.

But here is the enigma: the skills born from suffering can sustain you. They can help you find these very things you crave for your life—strength, persistence, resourcefulness, resilience, and wisdom. These skills make you a resilient woman.

 

 

Midlife is your advantage.

And being a woman over 50? We have had the opportunity of time. Time to develop those very skills. Time to experience life and gain the lessons learned from it. Time to learn about the world we live in and compare it to the world we hold in our hearts—the one we would choose to live in if we could.

On the other side, the passage of time and the experiences of suffering can also break us. Some breaks are small cracks that form in the surface of who we are. Some are chasms of pain that we hide deep down, buried within our very souls. And these breaks can make us feel, well, broken. Less. Impotent. Invisible. Lost. Insecure. Unimportant. Unattractive.

I believe the trick is to be able to use our suffering to remind us of one thing: you are still here. You have suffered, yet you persevered. You persisted. You were resourceful. You bounced back. You learned. Whether you know it or not, you grew. You are a resilient woman.

 

Your scars prove your strength.

The Japanese theory of Kintsugi is the art of fixing the cracks in broken pottery with pure gold. The theory that transcends pottery is that nothing is perfect, but binding up your wounds and finding ways to heal makes you stronger. More beautiful. Unique.

Now, I’m not trying to tell you to write a big thank-you letter to your pain and suffering. We are humans, and to be human means we want to avoid suffering as much as humanly possible.

But being human, being female, guarantees us that we can’t. That we have suffered. That we will suffer again.

 

 

How midlife women can use pain to become resilient women.

I recently listened to a podcast by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love. In fact, she inspired this article. She gave me an idea that I have tried myself, and that I hope you will try too.

Write a letter to the Universe. Tell it all your feelings about the suffering it required you to experience. Tell it you are angry, and how it has made you afraid. Tell it that it was unfair.

Then, tell the Universe what you learned from your suffering.

My guess is that if you allow yourself to open your mind to it, your list will look a little like the one above:

• Strength

• Persistence

• Resourcefulness

• Resilience

• Wisdom

And let’s add:

• Empathy

• Compassion

• Kindness

 

Letter to the Universe, from a Woman Over 50+

Here is my version of this letter, and here you can find a fill-in-the-blanks template so that you can write your own.

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Dear Universe,

I am writing to you with honesty. There are things I need to say that I’ve carried inside for far too long.

First, I need you to know how I feel about the suffering you required me to walk through. I am angry—angry at the pain, the unfairness, the losses I’ve endured. I am afraid—afraid that more will come, afraid of what I cannot control. It feels cruel, and it feels undeserved. Sometimes I want to shout, “Why me? Why this?” And sometimes, I just want to sit in silence and weep for all that has been taken.

But even in this, I can see what I have learned. Through my suffering, I discovered strength I didn’t know I had. I learned how deeply I can love, how resilient the human spirit is, and how precious even small moments of peace can be. I’ve learned empathy—for myself and for others. I’ve learned that even in the darkest times, a tiny flicker of hope can still burn.

So, Universe, though I may never understand why I was asked to endure so much, I will carry forward the lessons. I will hold both the anger and the gratitude. And I will trust that my story, with all its scars, has shaped me into who I am becoming.

With honesty,
Kat

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You’ve already built a “resilient woman” survival toolkit.

What does all this do for you? It helps you realize how far you’ve come. How much you’ve withstood. How hard you’ve tried.

It makes you realize that despite fear telling you that you are less—impotent, invisible, lost, insecure, unimportant, unattractive… despite that voice…

The reality is that it’s a lie.

You already have the skills to become the woman you were meant to be. The woman YOU want to be.

 

 

Suffering doesn’t define you—your choice does.

But it’s a choice. You can choose to let the suffering mire you down into a trap so deep you can’t climb out of. Or you can choose to accept that suffering is inevitable, and take the gifts it gives you and use them. Grow with them.

Don’t let suffering have the last word on YOUR life.

 

Suffering is universal—how you respond is your power.

Choose…

• Strength

• Persistence

• Resourcefulness

• Resilience

• Wisdom

• Compassion

• Kindness

One of the paths to becoming a resilient woman is simply to be open to life’s lessons. To be open to change, to growth, to renewal. So don’t let suffering win. Use it to shape who you want to be in your second act.

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You might want to check out my post, 30 Healing Grief Quotes for Women

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